So, here I go again. I'll try to remember the advice that I would give anyone else, "Just keep it simple."
Part of my challenge is that life is very stressful right now. Between raising these four, wonderful, sometimes exasperating kids, and being there for Mark, and trying to finish up our school year, and taking my online worship leader's class, and actually preparing to lead a meaningful worship time, and being as frugal as I can to make ends meet... I've also been trying to find a part-time job.
I haven't worked outside my home for over 18 years. I've had my own business, but always worked it from home. My kids don't know a mom who's ever been away on a daily basis. That has been an amazing blessing to me and I am so grateful. The time I've had with my kids has been one of the treasures of my life. Now, just contemplating the idea of leaving the house for 4 to 5 hours a day can make me start to hyperventilate. (No, really, I do!) I know, many of you do that and more already. I applaud you. But I'm scared spit-less. Now that I've actually taken the leap to start applying, the next excruciating step is waiting for a response. I had a good interview last Monday - a week ago - and now am waiting...waiting...waiting. I know that my time with my kids has become so important to me that I am in danger of making it an idol in my life. I feel like Abraham, who's taken Isaac up the mountain. I've agreed to take the trip but I'm desperately looking for an extra ram in the bushes...
My rock in the storm is always my relationship with Jesus and His Word. I've found myself clinging more closely to Him everyday. That's just the way He wants it. As each day dawns, new mercy is given and received. I know that I am in the palm if His hand. I shall not be moved.
Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge.
God told me that this year would be a year of "Faithful". He is true to His word. How do you know that God is faithful unless you need to trust Him in a new way. God, in His mercy, is taking me further on and further into my trust of Him. That's what I asked Him to do... Faithful. He is, may I be in return.
This song speaks to me right now. (Turn off the player at the top of this page first.)
Thanks for letting me be real... Even while I wait, I'm enjoying the view.